FUNNY FRIDAY

FUNNY FRIDAY

A DEMOCRAT A REPUBLICAN and an INDEPENDENT

            A Democrat trial lawyer, a Republican C.E.O., and an Independent small business owner are walking out of the polling place with the Republican leading the way. As they turn a corner, they are confronted by a thug with a nightstick.

            “Give me your wallets sucka’s!”

            “Oh please don’t hurt me,” pleads the Democrat. “Take his wallet. It’s his fault for leading us down this road. “ He whines pointing to the Republican as he cowers in fear.

            “Shut up sucka.” the thug raises the stick threatening to strike the Democrat.

            Sick of being vilified and victimized, the Republican snaps. He lunges at the perpetrator.

            “Give me that stick you bastard!” he grabs the nightstick and a fight ensues. Over powered the Republican begins to take a beating.

The Independent jumps in to assist the bloodied Republican. Together they subdue the thug and take him to the ground disarmed. The Independent holds the Thug pinning him to the ground as the Republican calls the police with his cell phone.

The Democrat, realizing the danger has passed, bends over the thug, chest puffed out, composure regained, and he sticks a business card into the thugs back pocket.

“Here’s my number. If you decide to sue these guys, give me a call.”

HERE IS HOW I WOULD EXPECT THE PALM BEACH POST TO REPORT THIS INCIDENT

    Today rioting occurred at a local polling place when a misguided Republican led a group of voters into a confrontation on the streets outside the voting place. Violent, terrorist, Tea Party independents joined the melee until police were called in to quell the disturbance. One arrest was made. The Democrats and the Holder Justice Department vowed to investigate the incident and to bring forth the full force of the law against any Republican or Tea Bagger found to have engaged in any voter intimidation activity.   

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR. PRESIDENT!

            The Dow crashes 512 points in celebration of the great ones grand gala fiftieth birthday celebration. Here’s an inside report by Adrian Mitchell from the floor of the grand ballroom.

Mitchell: “Sir you look ecstatic tonight. Doesn’t the financial situation and the fall of the Dow worry you.”

President: “Quite the opposite, my father and I never dreamed that I would be able to become president and destroy the American economy before the age of fifty! I feel fantastic!”

Mitchell: “Understood, you and your army of czars have punished and regulated the life blood out of the capitalist pigs in corporate America, destroyed the job market, escalated the wars, spent every last penny and then just printed more money; but do you feel bad about the worldwide collapse?

President: “Mitchell, are you just stupid or something?” “That’s icing on my birthday cake!” “This global reorder is beyond our wildest dreams! Kudos to my good friends, Bill Ayers, George Soros, Cass Sundstien, Barney Frank, Nancy, Harry, Fidel, Hugo…” Mitchell interrupts.

Mitchell: “Sorry sir, but I only have two minutes here.”

President: “Proceed Mitchell.”

Mitchell: “Sir, my ticket cost over $35,000 and the picture with you an additional $10,000. The crowd here consists of very wealth celebrities, C.E.O.’s, politicians and journalists. Are there any real Americans here?”

Prez: “Who’s more American than Bono and Sean Penn.”?

Mitchell: “Rumor has it that the fall of the Dow was caused by all your Wall Street cronies, the ones left on wall street, the ones who did not join your administration, were forced to cash in stocks in order to raise the enormous funds required for your gala celebration and bolster your political slush fund.”

Prez: “Well that’s simply how the system works.”

Mitchell: “But why would you be supported by these wealthy elites when you constantly vilify them and threaten tax increases?”

Prez: “Mitchell, obviously you have not opened your complimentary gift bag. When you do, you will find a special Timothy Geitner edition of Turbo Tax.”

Chuckling and obviously amused the president continues.

“None of these guests need worry about taxes, Mitchell.”

Mitchell: “These people are influential but you need the masses. You need to buy votes, lots of votes.”

Prez: “That’s why we now have nearly fifty percent of the little people paying no payroll tax what so ever! Genius, right Mitchell?”

Mitchell: “Is that what you elites call the majority of Americans, little people?”

Prez: “Yes, that and useful idiots, but they are the most important Americans. Without them we can not be reelected and we might be forced to resort to plan B.”

Mitchell: “What’s plan B?”

Prez: “I could tell you but then I would have to kill you!” The president is overcome by hysterical laughter.

Mitchell: “LOL” she waits for the president to catch his breath. “ “Are you concerned about the tea party?”

Prez: “Of course, that’s why our minions in the media will slander and destroy them. We consider them as runaways who most be rounded up and put back on the plantation. A small problem actually; if we can keep the mass majority misinformed and clueless. Our media comrades are masters of the art, so I’m not overly concerned.” “Hey! Look Barney Frank is going to sing “Happy Birthday Mister President! I gotta go! Enjoy yourself Mitchell, and don’t forget your gift bag.”