ANOTHER FUN FRIDAY
HAPPY VACATION MR. PRESIDENT!
The Dow crashes 419 Points. Workers in Detroit and across America are screaming for jobs. The conclusion of the President’s Flatten America Mega Bus Tour and the beginning of his 10-day vacation is at hand. Here’s an inside report by Andrea Mitchell from aboard the mega bus Leadership.
Mitchell: “This bus is absolutely enormous! From the inside it seems like we are in a stadium not a motor vehicle! Mr. President, is it true that this vehicle has stealth technology more advanced than the Stealth Fighter Jets?”
Prez: “Yes, that’s correct Mitchell. This vehicle is not only invisible to radar, but when activated we can bend light around the bus to make it disappear; make it actually invisible.”
Mitchell: “That’s incredible! Why did you name it Leadership?”
Prez: “My choice was The Invisible Bus, but when my staff found out about the disappearing feature they chose Leadership. I don’t get it but I suppose because there are two buses and this one is in front it makes sense.”
Mitchell: “Is it true that both buses, Leadership and The Magic Bus, were made in Canada at a cost of 1.1 million dollars each.”
Prez: “That information was confidential, when it was leaked we had to cancel our stop in Detroit. The American autoworkers were enraged. I saw Maxine Waters and some members of the Congressional Black Caucus waiting for me there. They all had paddles the size of a tennis rackets. They were gonna spank my ass.”
Mitchell: “You said you saw Maxine? I don’t’ understand. You canceled that stop.”
Prez: “Oh, we didn’t stop. Hell no! I flipped the invisibility switch on Leadership and we drove right outta there. The Magic Bus got its ass kicked before escaping. They can’t go invisible. They had to throw Biden out the door to distract the crowd. Damn freaky shit!”
Mitchell: “Why did they pick Joe Biden to throw under the bus?”
Prez: “He’s already a member of the cracked head club so we felt Biden had less to lose.”
Mitchell: “Some say the tour is simply a political stunt to shore up the white vote in the Midwest. How do you expect this Flatten America Mega Bus Tour to help the job market?”
Prez: “Are you kidding Mitchell? Did you see all those safety and emergency vehicles trailing us; closing the roads?”
Mitchell: “I thought those were security vehicles.”
Prez: “Hell no. The massive weight of these armor-plated behemoths are literally pulverizing the concrete and blacktop roadways and buckling the bridges beneath us. Those are safety vehicles closing the highways behind us. We will generate thousands of jobs on infrastructure before we reach Martha’s Vineyard. Those are shovel ready jobs Mitchell! This Flatten America Tour is a grand success!”
Mitchell: Noticing the bus slowing: “Why are we pulling over already? We just stopped for gas an hour ago.”
Prez: “These are scheduled stops, Mitchell. These little truck stops don’t have enough fuel for these buses. We stocked fuel from the strategic oil reserves every 60 miles along our route to keep us running.”
Mitchell: “What about the carbon foot print?”
Prez: “What? Global Warming! You gotta be kidding Mitchell. Does anyone still believe that crap after those U.K. emails were exposed? The warmers just gave Gore a fabricated non-issue to keep him busy, poor guy; still thinks the election was stolen from him.”
Mitchell: “Sir, do you mind if I ride on the Magic Bus after this stop? It sounds like a party back there.”
Prez: “Enjoy yourself Mitchell, just beware that’s a rowdy crowd, even without Biden.”
THE MAGIC BUS
Andrea Mitchell disembarks Leadership and awaits the Magic Bus rolling to a stop. The door opens and a dense cloud of smoke billows skyward.
Mitchell: “Oh my God! FIRE! FIRE!” she screams as she waves her arms frantically, signaling the truck stop workers.
A man in a circus style outfit walks out of the cloud and asks, “What’s the matter little lady?”
Mitchell: “Your bus is on fire!”
Man: “I’m the driver. There’s no worry, it’s a controlled burn little lady. Cheech and Chong have a handle on it. You’re up tight; you need to fly with us aboard Magic Bus. Out here is war, hate, crime, hunger, and anger. On Magic Bus we only have love and happiness. Out here you have despair and monotony. On the Magic Bus we have hope and change, baby. Get hip, why not join us? Hop aboard Magic Bus! Hey aren’t you Andrea Mitchell?”
Mitchell: “Yes, and I recognize you. Are you Bono?”
Bono: “The one and only. Welcome to the Magic Bus.”
Mitchell: “Is that the outfit from Sergeants Peppers Lonely Hearts Club?”
Bono: “This attire is from Across the Universe, the movie. We have been singing and playing the sound track. Those Beatles songs are way out man! Were grooving out all across America. Try some of this electric Kool-Aid. You’ll see what I mean. This is the same Kool-Aid recipe we sent to all the major media and the Universities right before the Presidential election.”
Mitchell: “Oh, I remember this stuff. We had a 55-gallon barrel over at MSNBC. We all got tingles up our thighs every time we saw Obama. He had a halo! By the time I crashed, Obama was president. Mmmm this is good!”
As the bus empties for the short stop, Mitchell begins to recognize the passengers.
Mitchell: “Wow! This is the first time in years that I have felt like the youngest in the crowd. Isn’t that Bill Ayers, Bernadine Dohrn and Diana Oughton? My God, Hi Hillary! What the hell is Jane Fonda doing here?”
Bono: “This is the sixties baby and were fly in, fly in high again!”
The crowd of old people dressed in Woodstock era clothing poured from the Magic Bus a pair of men with neckties wrapped around their heads and carrying a deer carcass brushed past Mitchell.
Mitchell: “Bill Clinton, is that you?”
Clinton: “Hey Andrea, give us a hand. We hit this deer on Route 70 a few miles back. I recruited Rick Perry to come help me butcher it. We got a barbeque pit on the bus.”
Mitchell: “Why Rick Perry? He’s the enemy.”
Clinton: “He’s no enemy, he’s my wingman babe. Look at the hair on this guy! We are gonna score with some of these hippie chicks after the cookout. Hillary let me bring him aboard because we needed someone to field dress a deer. Couldn’t find a qualified Democrat so we took a vote between Rick and Sarah Pallin. Rick won because he has better hair. We’ll be partying all night long Andrea and I definitely will save some time for you babe!”
Howard Dean: “YEEEEEEEEHAAAAA!
R.W. Emerson: “ I find it a great and fatal difference whether I court the Muse, or the Muse courts me: That is the ugly disparity between age and youth.”
TPBPS!
