BARNEY'S BIG FAT GAY WEDDING
Barney Frank has announced his engagement to long time partner, Jim Ready. The details of Barney’s big day are being kept secret. We have sent our investigative reporters from E.T. to discover the happy couples wedding plan. The following is our report.
E.T.: “Hey, Chris Matthews, do you have a moment? I heard you will be the wedding planner for Barney Frank and Jim “Always” Ready’s nuptials.”
Chris Matthews: “Yes that’s correct.”
E.T.: “Can you give us some details on the big event?”
C.M.: “No it’s top secret… damn I can’t keep my mouth shut… off the record I might shed some light on the plans. I only ask that you say you got the information from un-identified sources.”
E.T.: “You media guys are so ethical! Not to worry Chris, you are a man without a face, sir. Will Barney be the groom or the bride?”
C.M.: “Duh! Barney is the bride of course. Have you never seen his man boobs? I would put Barney’s voluptuous chest on par with Dolly Parton’s.”
E.T.: “Who will be his maid of honor?”
C.M.: “Fannie Mae is the maid of honor and Freddie Mac is Jim Ready’s best man. Barney loves doing business with Fannie and Freddie Mac gave Jim a job."
E.T.: "I'm surprised Fannie agreed to be maid of honor. Barney used his congressional powers to force her to make all those bad loans to un-credit worthy borrowers! Because of him, she went bankrupt and Barney played a key roll in the collapse of the global economy!"
C.M.: "They work perfectly together. She's into masochism and he's a sadistic S.O.B."
E.T.: "I'm surprised Fannie agreed to be maid of honor. Barney used his congressional powers to force her to make all those bad loans to un-credit worthy borrowers! Because of him, she went bankrupt and Barney played a key roll in the collapse of the global economy!"
C.M.: "They work perfectly together. She's into masochism and he's a sadistic S.O.B."
E.T.: “Will Barney wear a white gown?”
C.M.: “Yes it’s gorgeous. He looks like a 300 lb Scarlet O’Hara. At the dress rehearsal he just flowed down the isle in that gown. He reminded me of a Macys Thanksgiving Day Parade float, so smooth and elegant! Absolutely gorgeous! There were only a couple of glitches, we had to remove the aisle seats on both the groom and bride side to widen the runway so that he could fit through.”
E.T.: Wow, this sounds like a traditional marriage, quite unexpected.”
C.M.: “Actually it’s a hybrid ceremony, both a traditional and an un-traditional wedding. Barney will have a double-layered veil to shield the groom and the guests from his spittle when he speaks his vows. Another innovation made was to add a vent in the gown just above and behind Barney’s sacral region.”
E.T.: “Why?”
C.M.: “Well, during dress rehearsal the gown was rising up like a hot air balloon! We finally figured out that Barney’s copious flatulence was filling the gown with methane gas and causing uplift, exposing Barney’s massive cankles and XXXXXXL garter belt. A small vent incorporated near his rump corrected the problem, but the escaping gas was still of concern. As a precaution we will ban all smoking and provide plenty of incense and air freshener at both the ceremony and the reception.”
E.T.: “Is it true that Reverend Jeremiah Wright will perform the ceremony?”
C.M.: “No, that’s false, it will be Reverend Al Sharpton. We thought Wright was to controversial and political, Sharpton on the other hand is a fair, open minded, non-partisan member of the media and an MSNBC host as well as an ordained minister.”
E.T.: “Who is the flower girl?”
C.M.: “That was a tough decision, we settled on Rahmn Emanuel. He will wear his ballet tights and toe shoes. He was marvelous in rehearsal prancing and scattering rose pedals at the feet of the lovely bride.”
E.T.: “Who’s the ring bearer?”
C.M.: “Chris Dodd; here is where we veer from tradition. Let me just say that the rings that will be presented do not fit any appendages on the hand. Did I mention this was an adult only ceremony?”
E.T.: “Yuck! I think I get the picture. Speaking of pictures, who will be the photographer for this event?”
C.M.: “Anthony Weiner. Barney and Jim love his work. Barney says that Wiener gets so much out of his subject even when having so little to work with. They are excited about him filming the ring placement ceremony.”
E.T.: “Barney obviously has planned this event ever since he was a little girl… I mean… uh dude, little dude. Who will be giving bride, Barney, away?”
C.M.: “President Obama has that honor. Most Americans believe that the only thing left in the country that Obama has not given away is Barney Frank.”
E.T.: “What was that spasm you just had?”
C.M.: “Spasm, what are you talking about?”
E.T.: “Never mind. If Barrack Obama is giving away the bride, does Michele have a roll to play? Hey, there was that spasm again! Are you alright Chris?”
C.M.: “Yeah O.K., I admit, I still get that tingle up my thigh when I hear the name Obama. To your question, Michele will cater the event.”
E.T.: “Your leg is sticking straight out and quivering like a dog getting tickled on the underbelly! Is that a rocket in your pocket Chris?”
C.M.: “This is embarrassing. Now remember, this interview is confidential!”
E.T.: “Don’t worry Chrissie, it’s just between me and you.”
C.M.: “DID YOU JUST SNAP A PICTURE OF MY CROTCH?”
E.T.: “Settle down dude. Don’t’ have a Chrissie Fit! The picture is for Barrack and Anthony Weiner’s eyes only; they’ll love it! Now you said Michele is in charge of the reception menu, correct?”
C.M.: “Yes, all you can eat broccoli and tofu, then she will lead a little chicken dance fitness session on the dance floor after the meal. She doesn’t know that Barrack has arranged a secret room set up with a deep pit BBQ for him and his cabinet.”
E.T.: “Who will provide the music.”?
C.M.: “The newly weds first dance will be to Barney’s favorite song, “Dude Looks Like a Lady” sung by Guest of Honor Steven Tyler, then the Back Street Boys will reunite to provide the entertainment for the rest of the night.”
E.T.: “Any Hollywood celebs coming?”
C.M.: “It would be easier to list the stars who will not attend. This is the happening of the century. The Royal Wedding pales in comparison. One interesting couple that has RSVP’d is Sean Penn with his South American hottie, Hugo Chavez.”
E.T.: “Is it true Spielberg will attend?”
C.M.: “Yes, he’ll not only attend, he will direct a talent show; a medley of celebrity’s and politico’s doing impersonations. Here is the line up so far.”
THE 2012 CAST OF THE ANNUAL DEMOCRAT FREAK SHOW
Barrack Obama as Alfred E. Newman John Kerry as Herman Munster
Barney Frank as Elmer Fud Jon Corzine as Bernie Maddoff
Anthony Weiner as SNL’s Mango Henry Waxman as Porky Pig
David Gregory as Curious George Dennis Kucinich as Yoda
Chris Matthews as Corky (Life Goes On) Nancy Pelosi as Chucky Bill Maher as Count Dracula Eric Holder as Adolf Hitler Jim Ready as Todd Palin in a fat suit
Debbie Wasserman Schultz as A handsome prince turned into a toad
Donny Deutsch as Justin Bieber Harry Reid as Pinocchio
Eugene Robinson as The Cheshire Cat (RINO) Joe Scarborough as Beavis
Donny Deutsch as Justin Bieber Harry Reid as Pinocchio
Eugene Robinson as The Cheshire Cat (RINO) Joe Scarborough as Beavis
Rachel Maddow as Tom Brady Larry King as Justice Ruth Ginsberg
E.T.: “Won’t any Republicans be in attendance?”
C.M.: “Yes only two, Michele Bachman and Rick Santorum. Steven King is going to re-enact a scene from his blockbuster film Carrie with Bachman, unwittingly, playing the part of Sissy Spacek. After she is drenched in blood, Bill Maher and his guests Dan Savage and Marc Maron are going to fulfill their fantasy that they discussed on Maher’s HBO show “Real Time” by viciously raping Michele and Rick on the dance floor to hysterical laughter and the delight of the Democrats and media revelers.”
FYI: Below is a report posted by N.O.W. on their website Media Shame, describing the July 15th episode of “Real Time” to which C.M. is referring in the above satire. The disturbing segment is real, not a satire, and aired on
HBO’s Real Time. The vulgar, classless Mr. Bill Maher produces “Real Time”. Most viewers including N.O.W. found the dialog nearly unimaginable. Bill Maher and his guest’s extreme and vile hatred and threats received little attention from the mainstream media publications like the Palm Beach Post, even in the wake of the violent shooting of Gabby Gifford. The Maher show must be popular with many in the Democrat Party whose ranks are obviously loaded with highly un-intellectual leftists, criminals, journalists and circus geeks.
This is a description of Maher’s July 15th 2011 show: Reader Discretion Advised!
“Marc Maron states that he hopes Marcus "takes all that rage that comes from repression and denial and brings it into the bedroom with her (Michele Bachman). . I hope he f*cks her angrily, because that's how I would, and I've thought about it."
To avoid "charges of sexism," and demonstrate that "it's not just women we're talking about f*cking," Dan Savage admits, "I sometimes think about f*cking the sh*t out of Rick Santorum." As Savage and Maron try to top each other, (Bill Maher) and panelist, Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban laugh as if it is the funniest thing they heard all week. The lone woman panelist, Chrystia Freeland, looks vaguely uncomfortable while maintaining a polite smile.
Even though there are countless sexist and demeaning comments throughout the show, let's focus on the term that has the potential to become the new euphemism for rape: f*cking angrily. Is this the trendy, politically correct term to use when you want to describe violently raping someone you don't like? Women are usually the target of such comments, but don't worry, Savage made sure to mention angrily f*cking a man, and Maron applauded that sentiment, so at least they aren't sexist, right? They just enjoy the thought of degrading other people sexually -- a concept, by the way, that women and LGBT people might understandably take issue with.”
PRESIDENT OF THE BILL MAHER FAN CLUB
Rarely do I find myself on the same side of an issue as N.O.W. I saw a replay of this episode in late July and my jaw dropped. I couldn't believe my eyes and ears! I believe in freedom of speech. Maher has every right to be a vile, misogynous, leftist A-hole and his fans have a right to enjoy and partake in his ignorance and venomous, hateful, intolerance for people with whom he disagrees. However, I reserve my right not to associate with hateful, violent, ignorant, bigots and leftists. Apparently rapes and violence are not abhorrent to Bill Maher, his fans, most members of the Democrat Party, or the Democrat mass media.
Lord Chesterfield: "People hate those who make them feel their own inferiority."
LOL
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