OBAMAGEDDON!
ATTACK OF THE SEQUESTINATOR!
SEQUESTINATOR
DESTROYS PLANET EARTH
Hi, my name is Dr.
Eddie Doom.
Today, Friday, March 1st
2013 I woke up at 6:30am breathed in deeply and sighed with relief, I was still
alive! Yes, all appeared well. My restless sleep and nightmares were
unwarranted.
The horror stories of the consequences of the Federal
Government sequester, the cutting of one penny out of every dollar that the federal
government spends each year appeared to be untrue.
For a full week, the media, especially the local TV news, had saturated the
airwaves with broadcast stories of pending Sequestration Armageddon; children
and old people starving, scientific research ending, teachers, police and
firemen losing their jobs. Was it all a great hoax? I separated the vertical blinds and cautiously peered
outside. The sun had risen and everything seemed normal!
Relieved,
I made a pot of coffee. Even the water supply was working! By the time I
finished showering the coffee was done and I opened the refrigerator to get
some ½ and ½. That was the first indication that all was not well.
Even though the power
was on I was met with the hideous odor of rotten food. The cream was curded and
rancid. I slammed the refrigerator door to escape the putrid stench and visualized President Obama on TV
warning us that the food supply would be in jeopardy because FDA inspectors
would be furloughed if we allowed the sequester.
The spoiled food must
simply be a coincidence I thought as I drank black coffee before departing for
my job at the V.A. Hospital where I work as a surgeon.
I pulled out of my
driveway and drove a few blocks. I noticed young children with bewildered
expressions wandering around near the school bus stop. Their eyes were vacant
as they stared into the distance. Fighting over lunch boxes and food broke out.
I recalled Obama on TV warning us of
starving children with no teachers for the schools.
I passed a house that
was burning as firemen stood in the front yard watching the flames with
expressions of helplessness and I remembered
Obama on TV standing on a stage surrounded by the smartly dressed firemen and
police officers that he used as props for his public service announcement when
he told us that the sequester would leave our homes and lives in peril.
Further down the block, a police officer sat in his patrol car and watched as a
gang of youths beat an old man wearing a baseball cap with WWII Veteran
embroidered on the front.
I drove with the top
of my Miata lowered wondering why nobody had listened to President Obama’s
warnings when I looked up at the sky just in time to see a jumbo jet spiraling
down from the sky and on a collision course with my car. I stomped down hard on
the gas pedal pressing it into the floor and accelerated; running a traffic
light that had malfunctioned; all three lights were lit up; red, yellow and
green. Moments later I heard an explosion and in my rearview mirror saw a large
fireball. I drove at breakneck speed weaving in and out of traffic and evading
all the other panicked drivers! I
visualized President Obama on TV warning the nation that air travel would be
unsafe as FAA Air traffic controllers were furloughed.
Half way to the VA
Hospital I neared the County jail on Gun Club Road. I was forced to detour onto
a side street because thousands of men wearing orange jumpsuits were running
down the roadway heading toward West Palm Beach. I visualized Jay Carney on TV saying he had no idea why prisoners were
being released even before the budget cuts went into effect.
Upon arrival at the VA
Hospital I found a notice posted saying we were closed due to sequester cuts. I visualized Obama on TV saying that
doctors and nurses and medical services would be in jeopardy by the sequester.
I went to administration to find out what was going on.
Me, Dr. Doom: “Good morning Jane. What is happening?”
Jane: “Dr. Doom, I’m so sorry, we have been ordered
to fire 34 thousand doctors and
nurses due to the sequester.”
D.D.: “But the federal budget is huge! They are cutting only a penny on the
dollar, are we really the least crucial staff in government. Is the
healthcare of veterans that low a priority to Obama?”
Jane: “Apparently yes!”
D.D.: “Well what do I do now?”
Jane: “
If you are willing to take a significant pay raise, I might be able to transfer
you to The Government Services Administration (GSA) to replace Jeff Neely.”
D.D.:
“What does that job entail, Jane?”
Jane: “Lots of travel to exotic locations, constant
alcohol fueled sex parties, luxury hotel suits and hot tub baths and all you must
do is prepare some kind of anti-American speech to give to the army of GSA
personnel.”
D.D.: “Jane, do have a
full job description for the GSA?”
Jane: “Here is a recruitment brochure that Jeff put
together. I think you might like this position Doc.”
COME WORK WITH US AT THE GSA! TRAVEL THE WORLD AT THE EXPENSE OF
THE USA!
Hi, I’m Jeff Neely. Would you like to join me? The waters fine
and a cocktail awaits you.
Here is what we did at our last conference. Why not join our
team at the GSA?
“Jeff Neely, a
commissioner with the General Services Administration, orchestrated the lavish $823,000 Las Vegas conference in 2010
that resembled a Roman feast of endlessly flowing, taxpayer-paid booze,
sumptuous meals and an assembly line of entertainment jesters that included a
clown, a mind reader and comedian.”
D.D.: “This looks great!”
Jane: “Yes, but if want even more money we could
send you to the green zone in Iraq as supervisor of the private contractors
that the government pays for.”
D.D.: “What does that job entail?”
Jane: “Mostly sitting around and playing cards or
surfing the net… cookouts, basketball… stuff like that.”
D.D.: “Sounds boring, Jane.”
Jane:
“Yes, until a bomb goes off. But as
supervisor you will be pretty safe, you just find replacements for anyone who
gets killed. Here is a report from The NY Times.”
“Partly,
the disparagement stems from the contempt with which professional military men
have traditionally viewed mercenaries — especially those who earn, like some contractors in Baghdad, as much
as $1,000 a day for skills and risks that bring about the lowest-paid American
soldier a tenth of that. Not even four-star generals earn as much.”
D.D. “ Wow, $1,000 a day, that’s over $360,000 a year
for playing cards and BBQ!”
Jane: “Well maybe I understated the job responsibilities’
but I’m sure it beats working 60 hours a week here at the VA Hospital, and
being on call 24/7… operating on very sick Vets that should not still be alive…
performing miracles only to be sued for all your efforts by an army of sleazy
South Florida trial lawyers that put up billboards that ask Who can I sue?”
D.D.: “I can’t believe that our government spends
all this money for non-essential personnel like this and then threatens to furlough
the essential services!”
Jane: “You have no idea Doc. Most of these jobs
are duplicated… triplicated… quadrupled. The waste abuse and over lap would
blow tour mind!”
D.D.: “I prefer to be based in the USA, so I think
I will apply for the GSA position Jane.”
Jane: “Good choice, but you need to fly immediately
to Mexico to meet with Jeff Neely before he gives that job to a relative.”
D.D: “I’m on the next flight!”
I arrived at Miami
International Airport and was swallowed up by a
sea of people; travelers camped out in tents who
had been waiting for
days to clear security. I
visualized Obama as I had seen him on TV
Warning about long lines at airports if
TSA personnel are furloughed.
Some TSA workers, who appeared annoyed that I
interrupted their game of checkers, told me that it would be a two-day process
to clear security.
I telephoned Jane to let her know of my delay.
She told me to report to Gate 22, which I did and found a private jet with GSA
printed on the fuselage waiting and ready to take me to see Jeff Neely at his
hideout in Mexico.
“Wow! This
is first class I cried out! Why would
anyone work for anybody other than the Federal Government!”
The captain greeted me and said; “No worry, it only costs $180,000 per hour of
flight. You will be on the ground in two hours. Obama and Michelle take jaunts
like this just to see a movie or buy golf clubs. They usually take separate
jets even when going to the same location, like Hawaii! Hillary racked up
enough mileage to pay for the sequester cut!”
When the plane crossed
the Arizona-Mexico boarder I looked down from the window and saw thousands of
people with what looked like hay bales strapped to their backs and carrying
assault rifles swarming over the border fence and entering the U.S. Not far
from that area I saw thousands of people in orange jumpsuits swarming over the
fence going the other way, from the U.S. into Mexico.
American convicts were
fleeing the country and illegal aliens flooding in! I recalled watching Janet Napolitano on TV warning of furloughed border patrol agents.
What insanity I thought! All because Obama had a 1% cut to his massive government spending!
What insanity I thought! All because Obama had a 1% cut to his massive government spending!
I landed in Mexico as
the sun was setting. In the twilight sky, the Obama Administration used
government satellites orbiting earth to project a large image across the
stratosphere. Like from the movie “Hunger Games” the faint image began becoming
clear as the sky darkened. A face was visible to all of North America and
beyond. In unison, people of every race, creed and culture cursed and spit on
the ground upon recognizing the face of evil, the face of the man who had
caused all this human suffering! It was the face of House Speaker John Boehner
mocking President Obama, telling our magnificent leader that he could not have
more money! The President had warned us of how evil and dangerous the rich
Republicans were, why did we not listen! As worldwide chaos and destruction
enveloped the human race, I dropped to my knees and prayed!
“Please oh great one answer our prayer. Guide us and protect us from
evil, restore our souls. Please President Obama our savior, vanquish the evil
Republicans and save the earth and all its inhabitants, amen.”
To my amazement my
prayer was answered! The image of John Boehner’s face hovering above in the sky
morphed into the angelic image of Barrack Obama. The sky opened and a staircase
descended. Then Obama appeared, coming down the stairs descending from the
heavens with his message for salvation!
JUST GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY MY CHILDREN.
FROM
EACH ACCORDING TO HIS ABILITY, TO EACH ACCORDING TO HIS NEED.
It was surreal and dreamlike
but unmistakable! The Media and the Democrats are right,
Obama is God!
Then I felt someone
grabbing my shoulders and shaking me. “Wakeup, Honey! You’re late for your
appointment! … according to whose need? You were mumbling gibberish.”
“Sorry, I just had the most horrifying nightmare!”
I replied.
