"WHY THE PALM BEACH POST SUCKS" HAS ORGANIZED A SAVE OUR PLANET, EARTH DAY SMOKE OUT!

 Much needed carbon is sent skyward to help warm the Earth.

1/22/2014: 

Last night, deadly, bitter cold and another massive blizzard crippled a large part of North America.

The polar ice cap has already grown 60% in one year! An unbroken ice sheet more than half the size of Europe has now connected the Canadian islands to Russia’s northern shore! In the southern hemisphere the Antarctic ice cap is experiencing a similar expansion!

Frozen cow suffers, another victim of the dreaded polar vortex!
PETA declares war on the Vortex!

In order to control this drastic climate change disaster, mankind must do something. We at “Why The Palm Beach Post Sucks” believe that it is imperative to act quickly before all of humanity is encased in ice!

         Hastily, our editors called an emergency meeting to discuss our climate change options. We reviewed all the settled science man-made global warming facts. Al Gore has proven that man-made carbon emission can and will warm the planet.

At great personal suffering and sacrifice, we viewed the film “An Inconvenient Truth” 3 times and contacted many climate experts and scientists seeking their guidance.

When Bill Nye the science clown contacted us, our receptive editorial staff were all ears.

Our conclusion follows:

#1

Massive carbon emissions are now needed to create the necessary green house effect that will start to warm planet earth and save us from the calamity of a coming New Ice Age!

#2

WE CALL ON EVERY HUMAN TO LOCATE AND GATHER ALL INTERNAL COMBUTION ENGINES IN YOUR COMMUNITY. MAKE SURE YOUR OUTDOOR GRILLS ARE WORKING; STOCK UP ON CIGARETTES AND CIGARS AND LOAD YOUR FIREPLACES WITH CREOSOTE INFUSED LOGS.

#3

ON SUPER BOWL SUNDAY; 2/2/2014 PERCISELY AT NOON WE CALL ON EVERYONE TO SIMULTANEOUSLY START ALL YOUR GAS AND DIESEL ENGINES, LIGHT YOUR COAL BURNING OUTDOOR GRILLS AND IF YOU SMOKE LIGHT UP NOW!

In Colorado, a young, global warming activist sends a plume of smoke skyward inorder to save our planet.

#4

HOPEFULLY BY GAME TIME WE WILL NOTICE A SLIGHT TEMPERANCE OF THE FRIGID WEATHER AND WE WILL ALL ENJOY THE GAME IN COMFORT!

 Exploding deep fried turkeys are an efficient source of carbon emission.

We must all, collectively, do our share to help control the Earths climate! Think of yourself as a human, global thermostat and we will all benefit from each others efforts. 

TRADE YOUR ELECTRIC CAR FOR AN SUV.

Other ideas on how we can emit carbon on Super Bowl Sunday will be greatly appreciated. Leave your advice and ideas in the comment/ no comment box below.

As citizens of the planet, we are -collectively- all in this together!

UPDATE to the this blog post, 02/03/2014:

         

        The WTPBPS sponsored "Great Earth Day Smoke Out" was a great success! Two days before Super Bowl Sunday the following was the weather that was reported in N.J. 

ACCUMULATIONS...SNOW ACCUMULATION OF 2 TO 4 INCHES...WITH THE

HIGHEST AMOUNTS ACROSS THE TWIN FORKS.

* WINDS...NORTHWEST 5 TO 10 MPH WITH GUSTS UP TO 20 MPH POSSIBLE.

* TEMPERATURES...15 TO 20.

    Just days later and after our world wide, coordinated carbon emission efforts we were able to warm the N.J. Area by over 29 degrees and save the Super Bowl from becoming an ice bowl! The following is the weather report on game day:

Sunday’s temperature at kickoff was a balmy 49 degrees!

We want to thank all the participants for braving the noise and smoke produced by over a million weed-wackers, leaf blowers and other gas powered equipment especially those of you injured or burned by exploding deep fried turkeys and out of control bonfires. Your sacrifice was well worth it despite the fact that the actual game sucked!