FUN FRIDAY
YOU MIGHT BE A DEMOCRAT
If you think that the definition of free market enterprise is when you and your friends organize a flash mob to loot the local 7/11 store, you might be a Democrat.
If you think America is comprised of 57 states, you are a Democrat!
When asked what churches do you attend you respond. “I prefer KFC, you might be a Democrat.
If your stretch limo accidentally backs over crushing your smart car, you might be a Democrat.
If you fly aboard your private Gulf stream II to the Global Warming Conference, you are a Democrat.
If after attending the Green Peace conference concerning the alarmingly high concentration of mercury being found in marine life, you return home to your twenty thousand square foot mansion and switch on 1,000 mercury filled curly cue light bulbs, you might be a Democrat.
If any written or spoken conservative thought sounds like propaganda to you, you might be a Democrat.
If you can watch Bill Maher or Jon Stewart for more than ten minutes without dozing off or being grossed out, your either a seventh grader or you might be a Democrat.
When you can no longer stack your unpaid credit card bills on the floor because they have hit the ceiling and a light bulb goes off in your head causing you to exclaim, “So that’s the debt ceiling!” You might be a Democrat.
A Democrat, a Republican and an Independent
At a recent college graduation ceremony in Chicago, three female grads were asked about their future plans.
Rebecca the Republican: “I’m going to use my engineering degree to integrate green energy sources such as solar, wind, hydro and clean fossil fuels, into the national power grids. I will provide tens of thousands of people with good paying jobs, and yes I’m not afraid to admit, make a ton of money.”
Ida the Independent: “ Ha, I hope to earn a ton of money also. I plan on helping cure worldwide hunger with my degree in the Agra-sciences, employ tens of thousands of people with good paying jobs and eradicate world hunger”.
Reporter: “Wow, these are very ambitious goals. Now, how about you Miss?”
Donna the Democrat: “Well I plan on going into public service. I will help unionize all those two’s workers. Use the EPA to regulate the hell out of them and make sure nothing they do causes harm to even one snail.
I will push Ida to convert millions of tons of that food into bio-fuel and I damn well wont let Rebecca drill any fossil fuel in this country. In the process I will force hundreds of thousands of jobs overseas, thus saving our environment and in the process I will make two tons of money!”
Donna
Twenty years later, Donna the community organizer arrives home in a very affluent neighborhood and parks her BMW. She traverses the Mexican tile pathway and enters the front door. Inside she flips a switch illuminating the mercury filled light bulbs, which were made in the Philippines.
Stopping at the wet bar, she mixes a Russian vodka martini and turns on a large flat screen LG TV made in Korea. Turning up the volume of the surround sound system, which was made in Japan, she tunes into the BBC network as she removes her Italian made jacket. Hearing that the riots in London have subsided, she turns on her Toshiba computer and logs into Virgin Airways web site to make reservations for her upcoming trip abroad.
In the kitchen she opens the door to the GE refrigerator which was made in Mexico, pushes aside a six pack of Heineken beer and removes a bunch of Chilean grapes which she places on a platter beside French cheese and imported middle eastern flat breads.
The phone rings and she answers the call speaking into the handset, which was made in Taiwan. After she finishes plotting with the Chicago union boss whose workers are on strike, she hangs up then grabs her Japanese camera and snaps a picture of her French Poodle sitting on the Persian rug.
A report concerning the bad economy and the high unemployment rate catches her attention. The reporter mentions that American businesses are sitting on capital, not hiring, fearful of Obama care and government regulation and the uncertainty in the tax code.
“Screw those selfish corporate pigs!” she screams at the screen as the little poodle cowers behind the sofa.
Rebecca
That same afternoon, two counties over in a more modest part of the state, Rebecca the Republican pauses in front of the framed cover of Popular Science hanging on the wall in her small suburban home. The June 1999 issue shows her smiling face, ten years younger. The photo on the cover is captioned; Young Entrepreneur May Have Solution to America’s Energy Crises. She sadly looks away and then picks up the phone to call her lawyer.
“Hi Phil, do we have any lawsuits against us from the EPA, Sierra Club, Green Peace, PETA, the Warmers or any of those other groups still active?”
“No Becky, the slate is finally clean.”
“Oh thank God Phil, I really need to sell this house before I get foreclosed on.”
IDA
The sun is just rising in Somalia as Ida and two volunteers begin to dig a water well with hand shovels. Her once acclaimed company Food For Famine, which supplied ten tons of food monthly to third world countries, now only a fond memory. The FDA closed her down and fined her out of existence after a shipment to Africa was improperly handled by local government officials and caused an illness to six people.
“We need to hit water before sunset, Muhammad. The new seedlings need to be irrigated tonight.”
“We can do it, Miss.”
Ogden Nash: “I do not like to get the news because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons.”
I agree.
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